I've read numerous posts regarding the horrible feelings about being forced to reveal stress details for your t, although I hope this is not completely insane. I am working with the contrary.
I have many 'concerns' that I'm conscious of from an emotionally/verbally abusive step-father to a grownup that I trusted like a maternal figure that later desperate to talk trauma confirmed she had different ideas for that connection in HighSchool... And what's daily becoming more of a guarantee that I have repressed very early punishment (I have always had risks but am not experiencing his and my style in my brain and it isn't satisfying change of words)... I have NEVER told information on ANY of this stuff. I've described to 2 individuals who "something" occurred with this particular person that was the level and I respected. I am suffering from pictures, short movie in my own mind of those I remember and today these voices of what I believe.
I'm working together with at and also have found that I can not tell him ANYTHING if he doesn't ask directly. I've told him this and he is good at attempting to ask me questions. The problem is, I may also not tell him what to ask. I know it may seem absolutely insane, however it is much like I am prohibited to just openly tell things-but I'm permitted to answer honestly. He's gone backandforth about 'running' trauma and I believe I'm so silent about things going on he doesn't believe they begins to consider we have to go another way and are. I get angry once I hear him get really frustrated and speak about not addressing the stress particularly and want to give up hope about actually getting relief. I cannot tell him that although it's like I UNDERSTAND I have to get these facts out. I believe he is also concerned I can not manage dealing with the injury directly due to my anxiety attacks, but I really donot learn how to adjust any one of this. I would like it bad and I have learn about every one of these new solutions to take care of PTSD without detailed processing, although he discusses trying to do it with as little detail and trauma as possible.
Does this make sense to ANYBODY? I understand I'd be VERY embaressed to say the items I would need to and that I expect it isnot something ill making me want to... But I am worried we are going to spend years since he thinks I am frightened, tiptoeing around the facts and I am seriously attempting to pour the beans. I hope I could tell him this, however it isn't allowed.